Eve of Christmas Eve

Happiness presides over all in the land of Sabrina. Wow,I definetly just sounded like Issy right then. Oh well, twas fun. Speaking of which, I just got back from being over at Maeghan's for 3 days. Oh, how I wish I could live there. I would be happy forever. And warm, it would be nice. But alas, I don't think mum would like that.So far, I've spent 5 days over there this week. I didn't want to leave, but I had to. It has been awesome.And mum's pissed, of course, but I don't even care right now, though I suppose I shall later. Her parents seem to like me, a lot, so that is good, it makes things easier. I got christmas presents from them already. They got me socks and A Christmas Story. And I now have a very entertaining spongebob penis to play with. It makes me happy. And I still need to wrap mums christmas present (if only you guys could see it), though I think I shall wait until later.I think I must go now, and spend time with Grandma. So, I shall talk to you guys later.

Presents

I gave everyone their presents today. Well, all who came to school at least. cough *Andrew* cough. I hope you guys like them! Hee hee, some presents are more interesting than others, although I'm not talking about mine...Eryn.

Christmas presents

Ok people, I need you to tell me what you want for christmas, because I don't know and I'd like to get you something that you want and like. And I know that I do it, but it would be most helpful if you wouldn't say "you know me" or "I don't care" or something. You get the point. So yeah, be creative, have fun.

Snow!

It was the first snow of the year today! Although there wasn't much, and most of it was frozen rain, there was a little. It was beautiful. Oh how I love the snow. This is my favorite season. I don't know why, but I love winter. I love the cold, and the snow. Plus, everything in a blanket of white that you can sled over, or throw, or make snow angels in (cough *Eryn* cough).It's just a great season. And I love what it means. It means cold nights, but warmth, cuddled up under the covers with my person. Yeah, I know I'm pathetic, but I don't care. It's the perfect weather for hot chocolate and coffee, both of which I love. And we got off school early, which was awesome.So, I get to go over to Maeghans tomorrow, I get to spend the night at Eryn's Saturday ninght, and everything's good. Yay. Ok, well, I'm gonna go get my homework done and then get some sleep.

Stairs

Yeah, I fell down the stairs this morning. As in, all the way down. We have 14 stairs, I fell down 12. They are carpeted (thank god), but the floor at the bottom isn't. Grrrr. But I got up this morning at 6, because I didn't feel like getting up at 5 this time, and I go to the bathroom and start down the stairs. I think I either slipped and missed a step, or just missed a step, but either way, I fell. I remember starting to fall and hitting something, but I don't remember anything else until I realized that I was on the ground. And in a lot of pain. So, evidently, the fall knocked me unconcious. And I fell so hard that the sound woke mum up. Seriously. It takes a lot to wake her up, so that was a little freaky.You know what my first thought was? Ow. How about my second? Ow.My third was more along the lines of, what happened? Then my mum asked if I was fine. At this point I was still trying to figure that out myself, but if my fall woke her up, what do you think. Anyways, I got up and I was just a little tipsy.Little as in, I got up and hit the wall. Mum comes downstairs, and I get dressed for school. Yes, for some reason I was still getting ready for school. I dunno why, but my brain was saying that was the right and normal thing to do, so I did. I got dressed, mum went to work because she had to, and I went to school. My neck really started hurting me during first period, and my vision was blurred. So I called, and Susan said that she wouldn't pick me up, too busy. So mum took off work to come and get me. We then went to get x-rays and stuff. The x-rays were fine, which is good as I already have one neck injury and don't need another, but I do have a concussion. The doctor ordered that I don't go to school Tuesday, and he said that we'd see about Wednesday. He also ordered Hydrocodone for me, for the pain. Adult strength, full dosage, plenty of pills. But oh the pain without them.

On another note, Maeghan got her braces off today, which is awesome. Now she has a retainer. It must be weird, after having them in for that long. But I think it's good. So yeah, I won't even be able to see her until Wednesday at the earliest. Or anyone else for that matter. Oh yeah, and I got my hair cut today. Short. Oh well, I needed it.So, I think I'm going to go, the pills are kicking in.

Well, mum said that this is going to be a family weekend. We ended up going to grandma's for dinner, which is good because her food is actually edible and tastes pretty good. We stayed there until 9 and then we came home. Before that, mum picked me up and we went to the vet to pick up our puppy who had just been spayed. She was so pitiful, it was cute. But yeah, we have some not so good news about some of our pets. Susie, mum's dog but to whom I'm still attached, might have cancer. She has a tumor in her tail, and it's been there, but it's starting to grow, and growing means cancerous. Mum is going to take her in Thursday. And if it is cancer, there is nothing they can do because of where it's located. It's too far up on her tail to take off her tail and its to big to operate. So that's not good. And mum and I are going to have to take Sam and Sarah in to the vet to het their rabies shots. We have been holding off, because my cat Megan got cancer from the rabies shot, and so did one other cat in the family and it killed him. But the shot is mandatory, it is illegal not to get it for them. So I'm really scared about that. And Nakota is getting up there in age, and his hips are really starting to hurt him. He has hip displasia, which is common in Huskies, and so he has really bad hips. I can't stand to see him hurting, but I don't want to lose him either. But I have to do what's in his best interest. That choice will be hard. Plus 2 of our cats are getting old, about 15, so I don't know how much longer they will be either.So yeah, worried about my animals.

And mum and I got into another arguement. It was in the car while we were running around everywhere. She started talking about religion, and asking me what mine was. Yeah, I'm baptised, but that doesn't mean that I am a total Christian either. I told her that I really didn't wanna talk about it because it never leads anywhere good. And I was right, it didn't. But she insisted, and said that it was a harmless question. So I told her that I do believe in God, but that I think that the Bible is a fake, and that I believe that God is whoever or whatever you or I choose to make it. She asked if I believed in an afterlife and stuff. I said that I believe in heaven and hell and all that stuff, but that I believed that I was going to heaven because I said so, that you didn't have to do anything special. I also believe in reincarnation.Well, anyways, before I said anything she said that she wouldn't discount what I said. She did. To be honest, I don't care. She doesn't have to believe what I do. She doesn't have to like it either. But she started talking about how the Bible was true, but just not to the word, and going on this lecture about how she came to believe what she does, blah blah blah. I have told her countless times that I am uncomfortable talking about religion with her, and it annoys me that she continues to do so. It also gets on my nerves how she always starts talking about religion with someone and what happened in her life to make her feel that way and stuff. People are always so amazed. I dunno why it annoys me, it just does. It's a pet peeve of mine. And I have a right to my opinion. She always tells me that I don't have to listen, that I could leave, but whenever I do, she always yells at me later about how rude and disrespectful it was. So I prefer to just not get into it with her. Plus today, like she always does, it somehow led to our problems and how I'm always using her as the scapegoat, always hurting her feelings, making her feel bad, doing it on purpose, how I hate her and why. But it's not true. I don't hate her.There are only a few people in my life that I hate, and none of them are her. And I don't like hurting people, whether it be on accident or on purpose, no matter how I feel about them.That's just not me. I have too much of a conscience for it.So she got all pissed off, and I wasn't exactly happy, and we get to Grandma's door and we're still arguing. Grandma had been worried because mum had called her at 3 to say that we were on her way. Well, we got there at 5:45. Mum didn't call her to tell her that we had a few errands to run before we came over. She goes and tells Grandma that I chose not to call. Sure, I was at Susan's house which has a phone, but I hadn't known that she had talked to Grandma, and we never called. She could have just as easily picked up the phone. She chose not to.So Grandma was freaking out, thinking we had crashed or something, and mum blames that on me, like everything else, and what a horrible person I am. So yeah, neither one of us were happy, and it was pretty tense. But anyways, that's over, nothing I can do about it now. I put a new poem up at Allpoetry, and I feel bad about what made me write it, but it's over and done with, and I can't undo it now.

And I feel really bad about mum. I hate the fact that I'm constantly talking bad about her. This weekend is the anniversary of the death of my brother. I know that's hard for her. And I feel bad about not being compassionate and understanding about that. I mean, she lost a child. That would feel awful. I couldn't imagine it. Mum has been through a lot in her life, she had a pretty shitty childhood. I can't blame her for that. If anything, it makes me feel bad about disliking her, and talking about her. I don't have it that bad.I can deal. And I keep thinking about how I would feel if she died. I know that no matter how much I dislike her at times, I would still feel bad, and probably worse if we hadn't reconciled and I had been talking about her behind her back.So I dunno what to do. I just needed to get this out. I guess I'd better go to bed, but not like I'm gonna get any sleep with this much on my mind.













Yes, I do realize that I just wrote about mum and I argueing and how I don't like her and then turned around and wrote about how I felt bad about talking about her. But I'm just really confused right now.

thanksgiving

Today is thanksgiving, and I'm currently at my grandma's. I know this is corny and all, but I guess I need a little optimism right now, so I'm gonna list some things that I am happy to have at the moment.

-First and foremost, Maeghan. I'm really happy, and lucky, to have her, and I enjoy all the time we spend together though it is never enough.

-Friends.I know that we are all going through a lot right now, and not all of us may be happy, but we're still here, and we still have a chance to work it out.

-My grandma. Although I may not want to admit it, she is getting old and may not be around for many more of these type of things. I really love her, she is an awesome person, and I'll miss her when she's gone.

-I guess I'm even happy that I have a semi-family. I mean, yeah, we don't always get along, but at least I do have a home.

-Pumpkin pie, weird I know, but I'm hungry, and it is reeeeeally good.

So, I hope that you all have a semi-decent Thanksgiving, even though most of us do have to spend it with family, and some that we aren't too fond of, but I hope you can still find a way to enjoy it.










Damn, that really was optimistic, wasn't it?

Boredom

If you fill this out, I'll do the same for you. I haven't done this in a while, and I felt like doing it again.Lol, and if it's easier, or you just feel like it, you could email it to me. So yeah, have fun. I'm a loser, I know, but I don't care.

what would you do if I?
1. I made a move on u:
2. I kissed you:
3. I lived next door to you:
4. I started smoking:
5. I asked you on a date:
6. I was hospitalized:
7. I ran away from home:
8. I got into a fight and you weren't there?
9. i asked u out?:

:WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY::
9. Personality:
10. Eyes:
11. Hair:
12. Body:

::WOULD YOU::
13. Be my friend?
14. Keep a secret if I told you one?
15. Hold my hand?
16. Go on a date with me?
17. Keep in touch?
18. Try and solve my problems?
19. Love me?
20. Date me?:

:HAVE YOU EVER::
21. Lied to make me feel better?
22. Wanted to kiss me?
23. Wanted to kill me?
24. Broke my heart?
25. Kept something important from me?:

:AND MORE::
27. Who are you?
28. Are we friends?
29. When and how did we meet?
30. Describe me in one word:
31. What was your first impression?
32. Do you still think that way about me now?
33. What reminds you of me?
34. If you could give me anything what would it be?
35. How well do you know me?
36. When's the last time you saw me?
37. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
38. Are you gonna put this on yours to see what I say about you?

Hee hee, long, but hey, it's something to do.

Aphrodite/Eros

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Bi/Slightly Gay
You scored -12 (-52 being completely gay, 0 being bisexual, and 52 being completely straight) For the most part, you are bisexual. You have a slight preference for the same gender, but either gender would suit you. If you are sexually inexperienced, it is possible that this will change after you do some experimenting.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: %20alt="free%20online%20dating"%20src=" Single or Group Dates: single Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: nestea Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate Cappuccino or Coffee: cappuccino Do you Smoke: no Do you Swear: yes Do you Sing: in the shower Do you Shower Daily: yes Have you Been in Love: yes Do you want to go to College: yes Do you want to get Married: someday Do you belive in yourself: sometimes Do you get Motion Sickness: yes Do you think you are Attractive: sometimes Are you a Health Freak: no Do you get along with your Parents: no Do you like Thunderstorms: i love them Do you play an Instrument: yes In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: yes In the past month have you Smoked: no In the past month have you been on Drugs: no In the past month have you gone on a Date: yes In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: yes In the past month have you eaten Sushi: no In the past month have you been on Stage: no In the past month have you been Dumped: no In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: no In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no Ever been Drunk: yes Ever been called a Tease: no Ever been Beaten up: no Ever Shoplifted: yes How do you want to Die: not right now What do you want to be when you Grow Up: something to do with animals What country would you most like to Visit: france In a Boy/Girl.. Favourite Eye Color: doesn't matter Favourite Hair Color: doesn't matter Short or Long Hair: doesn't matter Height: doesn't matter Weight: doesn't matter Best Clothing Style: doesn't matter Number of Drugs I have taken: depends on definition of drugs Number of CDs I own: too many to count Number of Piercings: 2, but i want more Number of Tattoos: none, but i want some Number of things in my Past I Regret: too many to count CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS! cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be close to your special someone and feel warm, comfortable, and needed What Sign of Affection Are You? brought to you by Bambi Which DISNEY character are you most like? brought to you by Quote: Standing in a crowded room but why do I still feel alone You hide lonlieness. You feel as if no one is there even if someone is right there talking to you. You think that they don't know or understand the real you. People seem to shun you out and ignore you because they don't notice you a lot since you keep to yourself. People don't see all you want is someone to notice you the real you. Someone to stay by yourside and be with you so that you are not alone. You feel as if you will be alone forever. You wonder why everyone ignores you. So you think that there must be something wrong with you. And you begin to hate yourself. You try and change but that didn't do anything they still don't seem to care or they notice you but you still can't help but feel alone. Don't worry I know how that feels. You have to wait for a day when you find someone worth your love. Because the love you've kept inside will prove its worth then. One day you'll find someone. You just have to be willing to wait and if you do your reward will be great ~We all hide something from the world...What do you hide~(with beautiful dark pictures) brought to you by RAVEN EYES You have Raven Eyes! Positive Traits: Intellectual, Wise, Experienced, Honest, Trustworthy Negative Traits: Pompous, Condescending, Withdrawn, Pessimistic, Depressed Your eyes are the windows to your soul. What type of eyes do you have? brought to you by

Just Posting

Yeah, I just feel like posting something. So I am. Today is Sunday, and a hell of a day at that. And it's not over yet. I wish it was. Right now I'm at my grandma's, but we shall be leaving soon and going back home. I'll be spending the night at mum's tonight. Oh well, it was worth it, because I got to see Maeghan.That was awesome. Yeah, I spent the night at her house Friday, and that was pretty cool. Then I was with her most of the day on Saturday as well, which was fun. I was supposed to spend the night at Eryn's Saturday night, but Susan called and told me that mum had changed her mind and that I couldn't. I had talked to mum Friday afternoon, and she told me that I had Friday and Saturday to do what I wanted, but that I had to be home by 2 on Sunday. I specifically asked if I could spend both nights as someone's house. She said yes. Mind you, all this didn't happen without a price, but I was going to be able to spend 2 nights with Maeghan and hang out with all my friends. And then mum changes her mind. I love how she can do that.Oh yeah, today was definetly one hell of a day. But I guess I should be happy that I didn't have to go home until 10. And I got to see the Pest (which was awesome), But I'm A Cheerleader (that was beautiful), and Coyote Ugly. No comment needed for that one.So, all in all, damn good 2 days. Oh, and on Tuesday Maeghan and I will have been dating for 8 months. Isn't that awesome? Hee hee, I love it. Maybe we could do something, like the movies. I dunno, and that's only if I can anyways. But I shall try. See you guys tomorrow, I gots to go back to the house to do more work.And yes, I just said gots.

Halloween

Halloween was cool. I got to go trick-or-treating with Eryn and Andykins, which was awesome, and then we went to a party. Man, they had the greatest food! I wanna go back...and the kiddies were so cute! They were everywhere.I felt so old, and yet not.It was cool, I had fun, and it might have been my last one, so at least I got to spend it with friends. Once again, don't have much time, just wanted to let you guys know that I'm still alive, even though I know you see me everyday.Lol. Well, I'm gonna go, because mum says bed.Ttyl.

A rare occasion to update

I'm taking advantage of this time to update, since I don't have computer access at my aunt's. I am at mum's doing some homework thatI could only do here, and it's really weird. It's kinda awkward. It turns out, we didn't get to meet with Phil, he didn't have time. I dunno if that's a good thing or not, but at least I didn't have to deal with that. A couple of things have happened, regarding groundings and such, but not much I can do about that.I hope to be able to do something this weekend, like collaboratory, but I don't know if I can. I hope to. But yeah, I've gotta go, because I have homework to do, and I have a headache. So, I'll see you guys in school tomorrow.

Still in Illinois

Yeah. Yesterday was busy. I hope today will be a day to relax. Although not to say that yesterday was bad. I got to see some people that I hadn't seen in over a year, so that was cool. I really missed them. Debbie is Susan's lifelong best friend, and about 6 months ago her house was burned down. Completely. It was gone.The cause was her son, Matt. He accidently left a candle burning all night, and it started the fire. He felt so bad. I felt so sorry for them.I mean, all their belongings, memories, everything. Gone. You can replace materials goods, but memories are irreplacable. As is the feeling of home. They rebuilt the house, and most of it is done, but it's still not the same.It was weird for me, because I used to stay there, and the room that I slept in was burned to the ground. If it was weird for me, I can't even imagine what it must be like for them. It really made me appreciate everything that I have. We went up to visit them, because they are really having a rough time. But it was good for everyone that we got to see each other. And I also saw Mary and Jack yesterday as well. I love Mary to death, she is awesome. She's the grandmother everyone wants. Not that my grandma isn't great, by any means, I love her, but Mary is most definetly a kid at heart. She collects coyotes, and all different kinds of glasses. She has over 50 pairs. Weird, no? But they are so amazing.She has such cool stuff. Her basement is filled with all this old time, entertaining, awesome crap. I mean, it is the shit.We were on the go non-stop yesterday. We went from resteraunt, to store, to resteraunt, to Debbie's house, to store, not to mention the hours in the car in between. I'm talking another 5 hours, at least.And we come home tomorrow, so I get to do another 7 hours. Gah.But we haven't done anything much today, and they are taking a nap (YES!) so I think I'm gonna go and relax while I can.The point of this entire vacation is to reduce stress. Well, in some ways, it does, but in others, not so much. I miss you guys, but it's also nice being away, from certain people,like my mum.So yeah, it's ok here. See ya later.

In Illinois

Yup, I'm here, in Bloomington, Illinois. They don't have AIM on this computer, so I decided that I would just post in here instead. Well, today was...long. I got home from Andykins's house last night and had a ton of things to do. I finally get ready to go to be at around 2, and my aunt decides to tell me something that she calls "good news". My 5 year old cousin Josh is coming with us. Yeah. I mean, I love him and all, but I mean, I already had 3 year old to deal with. Plus I am really tired, wanting to go to bed, and stressed out. So yeah, that didn't go over too well.Anyways, that was one long ass car ride. Out of 7 hours, they sleep no more than 15 minutes. And Susan has to drive, so guess who go to take care of them. Yeah, I can already see how this weekend is gonna go. My aunt, who is oh so brilliant, also decides to stop at Wal-Mart for an hour. Yeah, a 3 year old and a 5 year old in a toy section and no money. Not pretty.BUT I GOT A SLINKY!!!KICK ASS!!! Anyways, ha,it was only 89 cents, lol,yeah, and I've been wanting one for quite while. Nevermind the fact that it's a junior one...hee hee. Thank goodness I have that and my ipod. Not like I could listen to it in the car, they never slept, and I spent half the time unbuckled, breaking up the 2 midgets. Yeah, one likes to spit and hit and throw things while the other screams really loudly. Yeah, I can't tell you how many times I got beaned in the head with some sort of hard object. Gah, someone remind me NEVER to do that again, please. But hey, it's late, they munchkins are going to bed (finally!) and I have a computer. I guess it's not so bad. Could definetly be worse. Tomorrow we are going to Starved Rock. I've been there before, but it's still pretty cool. I get to meet the other part of the family. Oh well, they're the cool ones anyway. But yeah, trying to stay optimistic here. And I miss you guys!! Well, I should probably go, so you guys have a good weekend. Love love.

What the heck, I think I'll update

Yeah. Well, my mum just got back from her "vacation" saturday. She had to work all week, so she wasn't too happy. Nor was I, for that matter. I really enjoyed my week. It was great. I dunno if you guys noticed, but I really was less stressed. It was nice. But now she's back, so I have to be all on guard and crap. Oh well, I had fun. But I won't be able to do anything this weekend because I have to go to Illinois with my aunt to see her family and friends. I dunno, I haven't seen them in a while, and some of them are cool. But some of them really aren't. And it's with Susan. But I don't have a choice, so I'm not gonna fight over it. That would be bad. Haha, I just realized something. They don't know that I've gone all "goth" and stuff. This shall be interesting.I dunno if they'll care or not, but it really doesn't matter to me anyway. But yeah, anways, just thought that I needed to update. So yeah, see y'all later.

a survey i stole from grant

Name:	Sabrina Hooper
Birthdate:	01/03/90
Birthplace:	louisville, kentucky
Current Location:	louisville, kentucky
Eye Color:	hazel
Hair Color:	brown
Height:	5'3
Weight:	130
Piercings:	want some
Tatoos:	want some
Boyfriend/Girlfriend:	girlfriend
Overused Phraze:	"that's great"
FAVORITES
Food:	pickels
Candy:	chocolate
Number:	14
Color:	purple
Animal:	horses
Drink:	mountain dew
Alcohol Drink:	smirnoff
Bagel:	everything with herb
Letter:	S
Body Part on Opposite sex:	hands
This or That
Pepsi or Coke:	pepsi
McDonalds or BurgerKing:	neither
Strawberry or Watermelon:	strawberry
Hot tea or Ice tea:	ice tea
Chocolate or Vanilla	vanilla
Hot Chocolate or Coffee:	coffee
Kiss or Hug:	kiss
Dog or Cat:	cat
Rap or Punk:	punk
Summer or Winter:	winter
Scary Movies or Funny Movies:	both, but i loke funny a little bit more
Love or Money:	love
YOUR...
Bedtime:	10
Most Missed Memory:	cuddling
Best phyiscal feature:	hands i guess
First Thought Waking Up:	5 more minutes
Goal for this year:	stick with cross country and make no C's
Best Friends:	eryn, maeghan, grant, tommy, manny, issy,
Weakness:	i care for others too much
Fears:	house burning down, or being emotionally hurt
Heritage:
Longest relationship:	9 months
HAVE YOU...
Ever Drank:	yes
Ever Smoked:	no
Pot:	no
Ever been Drunk:	yes
Ever been beaten up:	no
Ever beaten someone up:	yes
Ever Shoplifted:	no
Ever Skinny Dipped:	no
Ever Kissed Opposite sex:	yes
Been Dumped Lately:	no
IN A GUY/GIRL
Favorite Eye Color:	doesn't matter
Favorite Hair Color:	doesn't matter
Short or Long:	doesn't matter
Height:	same as before
Style:	same as before
Looks or Personality:	personality definetly,sense of humor, romantic, serious, interesting
Hot or Cute	cute, but hot works as well
Drugs and Alcohol:	alcohol
Muscular or Really Skinny:	doesn't matter
RANDOMS
Number of Regrets in the Past:	1000000000000000
What country do you want to Visit:	france
How do you want to Die:	in my sleep, or having the best time of my life
Been to the Mall Lately:	not really
Do you like Thunderstorms:	YES, I LOVE THEM!
Get along with your Parents:	not at all
Health Freak:	nope
Do you think your Attractive:	yeah, i can be, maybe a little when i don't try
Believe in Yourself:	yeah,most of the time, i try
Want to go to College:	yes
Do you Smoke:	no
Do you Drink:	yes
Shower Daily:	most of the time
Been in Love:	yes, but it didnt work out, and im over it
Do you Sing:	in the shower
Want to get Married:	at some point
Do you want Children:	maybe, im undecided
Have your future kids names planned out:	michelle
Age you wanna lose your Virginity:	when it happens
Hate anyone:	2 people
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

I think you need this

Eryn, I love you sweetie. Just know I'm here, and I want you to be here as well.










I send my love through this screen, you need it.

stole it from Issy

If you have anything to say to the person who posts this, say it to them. If you love them, tell them. If you hate them, tell them. Whatever you have to say to this person, even if its something you're having trouble saying, if the person posts this entry, say it to them. You may never get a chance to, so just do it. Warning: Do not post this in your journal unless you really want people to do it. I expect good things but I expect bad things as well, and that is something you have to take into consideration. Not all of what you hear will be good. no grudges may be held for anything said.Note: if it's really something you don't want others to know, just email it to me...

it's been a while

I know I know.It's been a while since I last wrote something in here, but I just haven't really known what to put.I have had tons of projects, though I know that it doesn't even begin to compare to Andykins IB crap, but it's still kept me busy.I have hung with some friends a couple of times, but I still miss you guys.School just doesn't cut it, not by a long shot.Plus, my mum has been going insane in the chore area.A few other things have happened, and if you need to know about them you already do,other than that, everything's been normal.Ish.I can't say completely normal, but then again, when can I?Well, I hope that you guys have been ok and have had some fun.I'll ttyl.

september 11th

Yes, I realize that today is not the 11th, but yesterday was, and I just wanted to write something about it as it affected us all.I rememberm 4 years ago now, when it happened. I didn't know about it until I got to my language arts class, 4th period, and my teacher, Mr.Tong, had it on the TV.I immediately knew something was up as we never watched TV in his class. HE told us to watch this, that it was actually happening.I looked at the TV, and just then the 2nd plane hit.I was in shock.I couldn't cry.I didn't want to watch, but I couldn't look away either.This couldn't be happening, and yet it was. I watched as people ran away screaming, as firefighters and police ran into the building, as people jumped or fell from the buildings.It was horrific.I don't think that I'll ever forget it.I don't think I want to.It was such a terrible day, I shall always remember it.All those kids who lost one parent, or both, all those people who were never found, all those firemen and rescue workers who gave their lives to save others.They are truly heroes, and should be remembered as such.

my first xc meet!

Yeah, I had my first xc meet today.It was pretty...exhausting, hot, and yet exhilerating.I came in 18th out of 32 girls, JV of course, but I was the third to cross the finish line for our team out of the 9 girls that were there.I was dead. But coach came up to me and was like "You're my hero. That was an outstanding race!".That was amazing.Coach has never said anything like that to me before, so I was happy, to say the least.And so was he, evdidently.I'm so proud of myself.I finished the race, and I didn't walk once.Not once.My time was 28:49.53.Not bad for my first race I guess.I was supposed to surge around all the turns, but I ended up only being able to do about half.But the hills were mine.I sprinted up and down every one. It almost killed me,, but hey, I'm still here.Now that I know I can do it, I just gotta work on my time.But that will come later.Right now I'm just happy with how I did.Amyways, I'm gonna go take a bath and soak because if I thought I was sore yesterday, it was nothing compared to today.Every part of my body hurts except my head and neck.Joy, right?I literally had to roll out of Issy's bed to get up this morning.So yeah, I'm really sore, and gonna go not move now.Bibi.

fluff

Fluff is what I put in a piece of writing just to fill it.Filler. Filling. Ok, I've had my fun with that. I promise.Fluff. Hee hee. Ok ok, I'm done.For real.Lol, anyways I just got back from xc and no one's online. It was my first day back in quite a while, and it was a hard day, but I enjoyed it. Yes, I did just say that I enjoyed a hard day of practice. We did ladders, and it's like repeats increasing by 100 meters each time. We had to do that up the football hill.When he told us, I was like, you're nuts. That hill is suicide.But hey, we all know how much we all wanna die, that's why we're on the team, right?So anyway, we did that, and it took the entire practice.I am pretty damn proud of myself.I stayed kinda middle to front, and on the last time going up the hill, I was third.Third. There was a guy (I can't remember which one, not that there are that many anyway), then Nancy, and then me. I was in front of Withers.That felt really good.I didn't feel too bad while I was running, in fact, I felt great, and I wasn't all that tired, but when practice was over, I felt really bad. My stomach was hurting and I was nauseated and stuff.But I felt great running.I really did miss it.I just had to say that. And guess what? Coach Withers said that I have the potential to be the next Jenna. For all those who don't know, that's a pretty big compliment.She's a senior, and she's pretty damn good. Granted, Nancy and Summer can beat her, but oh well.I've always seen Jenna as someone to look up to, someone I wished I could be like, in running at least.And then he said that.It was great.Then we had a team discussion and Coach Elliot complimented everyone on the JV team (the one I'm on) but me.Oh well, I had already gotten a compliment, and that's just coach.Anyway, not much to say, but I've got homework to finish now, so I shall go.Oh, by the way, before Gibson left school today she saw my arm. She was like, "I forbid you to cut."It was funny, the way she said, and it kinda shocked me because I didn't think anyone had seen them, and I didn't know that she knew at all.But hey, oh well, she had had a pretty shitty weekend, and I feel sorry for her.Don't worry,they are old, and I'm in a good mood.Just a random thing that popped into my head.We all know how that goes.Lol.See y'all tomorrow.Oh yeah!I saw Travis Balls (I know I know, but that's his last name) and Andykins and Franklin all on Frankfort Ave. when I was driving form Walgreens to my house today.Twas weird.But cool.None of you saw me though, but that's ok.Bibi.

eh, an update I guess

Yeah, I really have no reason to write anything excecpt to update, since I haven't done that in a while.But yeah, I don't feel like complaining about stuff because I know that there are some people who have more to complain about than I but may chosse not to.So anyways, when I was going to write this entry, I just happened to glance at the place where it says how many posts you have made.69.I have made 69 posts.Yeah, yeah, I know, my mind is in the gutter, but oh well.That's probably where it will stay for a while.So anyways, yesterday was Andykins' birthday. He had to march on his birthday. That's just plain wrong.But at least he had a good bday, or so I heard. I wish I could have been there, but alas, I couldn't.Sorry Andykins.But maybe we can do somethign some other time for your bday.What do you want as a present anyway?Tell me, so I can get it for you, because I really have no idea.But yeah, this is a 3 day weekend, so yay!Maybe we'll finally get a chance to hang out. That would be cool, as some of us haven't seen each other in forever.Haven't really got much else to say, so I'm gonna go. Ttyl.

personality thingy

I saw this on Gibson's blog.


Extraversion

60%
Stability

66%
Orderliness

33%
Accommodation

56%
Interdependence

63%
Intellectual

16%
Mystical

36%
Artistic

10%
Religious

16%
Hedonism

10%
Materialism

30%
Narcissism

36%
Adventurousness

43%
Work ethic

10%
Self absorbed

36%
Conflict seeking

16%
Need to dominate

23%
Romantic

56%
Avoidant

50%
Anti-authority

50%
Wealth

10%
Dependency

50%
Change averse

56%
Cautiousness

50%
Individuality

50%
Sexuality

50%
Peter pan complex

76%
Physical security

36%
Physical fitness

50%
Histrionic

30%
Paranoia

23%
Vanity

30%
Hypersensitivity

56%
Female cliche

36%
Stability results were moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity. trait snapshot:
messy, disorganized, social, tough, outgoing, rarely worries, self revealing, open, risk taker, likes the unknown, likes large parties, makes friends easily, likes to stand out, likes to make fun of people, reckless, optimistic, positive, strong, does not like to be alone, ambivalent about chaos, abstract, impractical, not good at saving money, fearless, trusting, thrill seeker, not rule conscious, enjoys leadership, strange, loves food, abstract, rarely irritated, anti-authority, attracted to the counter culture



Well, not too bad I don't think. Some of it is true, I think. What do you think?

just got back from cross country practice

As the title says, I just got back from practice. Coach dropped me off, which is in itself weird.Anyways, today was an easy day. we went on a 15-20 minute run around the neighborhood, then lifted weights.This was the forst practice that I have been to in almost 2 weeks, and it felt so good to run. I really wanted to keep going. And I didn't have to stop and walk either. Every other time that we've done a neighborhood run like that I've had to stop. This time I didn't. I ran with Amanda, and we talked the entire time. It was cool.Amanda is a really cool person to run with, because we stay busy talking.It makes things a lot easier. When we got back to the school, I wasn't even out of breath. My muscles weren't all that happy, but it felt really good.There is a mee tthis Saturday, and i plan on going. I have to be at the school at 6:30 am.That part isn't too cool, but I'd still like to see how I do for my first cross country meet.I'm excited, but nervous.Lol, it should be interesting though. Anyway, we're supposed to keep a running log. He said he is going to check it everyday. We might have a problem there. He wants us to write down everything we eat, how much we sleep,all that good stuff.Well, let's see. I eat a small breakfast, as in whatever I can grab as I run out the door, I don't eat lunch because it makes me sick, and I have fast food, or a small dinner because eating a tom makes my stomach hurt.Then there's the sleep thing. I'm fine, but I don't think coach would like the fact that I didn't sleep at all last night, and I haven't had many hours of sleep for a couple of nights. It's annoying at night, but I'm no worse for it. I think I shall have to bs my way through this. issy, maybe you can help me.Thanks. Well, I'm gonna go find something to eat. Bibi.

Collab and other things

Collab was awesome.And really warm. Well, for me at least. I had a human blanket, as well as human pillows and stuff. Twas fun.And I read one of my facorite poems. I really like that poem, I hope you guys did too. I would have to say that my favorite parts were the improv that eryn , manny, franklin and andykins did as well as the one thing with the electric bass.That was awesome.And we all went back to Issy's house. We took Danny boy out and maeghan, andykinds, eryn and I just kinda stayed there for a while. that was fun. There was just too much going on at issy's for me. I loved how I just capitalized the dog's name, but not the people.Lol, oh well.Everyone went home, and Eryn, Maeghan and I spent the night. That was fun.We watched So I married An Axe murderer. Maeghan had never seen it, and it's a good movie.So funny.I didn't get to bed until about 5:30. But I as tired, so it was good. I didn't sleep til about 6:30. And I'll tell you what, sleeping in Elliot's room was kinda weird. So I'm glad that I wasn't in there before that.But anyway, I got home and put the munchkin down for a nap (oh yeah, that went over well) and then we went to the store.Right when we were about to leave, the storm hit.It was amazing. There were lightning strikes and thunder and it was pouring down rain. I got soaked.I loved it. I was already wet from going in and out of the stores, so I just kinda stayed out in the rain when I got home. My aunt thought I was insane, and got kinda mad, but I loved it so.And I'm still wet now. But it was sooo much fun, And the rain was amazing. There was sooo much, and it was really coming down. It was awesome.But yeah, when we walked inside, there was a flood. Evidently, the window in the dining room lets in water, and it was ankle deep. I'm not kidding. So, I spent the next 2 hours trying to clean that up. Butoh well, I really didn't mind. The puppies were so cute. They would run and slide into the room sending water everywhere. It looked realy fun. And it was entertaining.So yeah, I'm gonna go,I still have homework that I haven't done. Bibi.

Brook's gone.

Well, we did it. We put Brook to sleep. She's gone. I can't believe it. This is the dog that I've known since I was born. What am I supposed to do now?She was the one who was always there for me. When I cried, she'd stay there and let me cry on her, when I was sick, she'd be right next to me the entire time, when I was cold, she'd even lay on top of me. Now she's gone.I used to share a twin size bed with her, and I was never afraid because I knew that she would protect me. She was like my mother, protector and friend. I thought she'd never leave me.But now she has. And she didn't want to go. She had a spirit in her that I've never seen before. It was time, for her body at least. I knew she would never be ready. And she was too strong to die on her own.She couldn't stnad up on her own, her whole back end would collapse, she was shaking, and she would fall over for no reason. Everytime, she would get back up, act like nothing had happened, like no one saw it.She was always very proud like that. I know that it must have hurt ot do that, to see yourself dying, and still be as sharp and proud as ever. But she never once cried out. Not once.Until today.When we took her to the vet, and they did it, she cried. And cried and cried.This animal that has been the mother to so many kids and animals alike, who never let anyting get to her or hurt her, who would sacrifice herself for any one of us, cried out in pain. It killed me. It was so hard to have to do that to an animal that wasn't ready in her mind or spirit. But she knew what was going on, she knew it had to happen. SHe fought it though, she always was a fighter like that. In the end, she went in peace. That's the only good thing.She was suffering even though she wouldn't admit it or show it. She was. Quality is better than quantity.When we got back I couldn't even go into the house. I don't know if I can anytime soon. It's too weird. She has always been there. Always. I would walk in and she's be the first to greet me, no matter where she was or if she was sleeping.And now she's not. But she's in a better place, somewhere where she won't be in any pain.That's good.It's what she deserves.So if you were wondering why I wasn't at school today, you know why now.I just couldn't face it. I've been crying all day, and I cried myself to sleep last night. I can't stay at home tonight. I just can't. Not without her.I'm not going to the cross country meet either. I can't handle it, plus they won't let me since I missed school. But I might be able to hang out with some people. Maybe. If you can, call me. I'm at my grandma's at the moment, but I might be home later. I really don't wanna be though, so call me or talk to me if you can. Lovelove.

an update

I'm not complaining. Oh great, now it sounds like I am.Oh well. I just needed to update and to let you guys know what's been going on lately.Well, as most of you know, I blacked out last night.I haven't gotten much sleep lately, but I hope that will change.My mum and I just got into another arguement, about xc this time.Again. After practice today, mum said that she was oing to talk to coach. So she did. She told me that I had to make a full comitment or none at all. No half-assing it. She basically told me that if I miss another practice that I'm not on the team anymore, and if I quit I am to take the bus straight to Susan's or home. No friends. And that means weekends too.So that really sucks. I can't have a life, and if I try to she takes it away anyway. I hardly get to see you guys during school anyway, and now it's going to be even less during the week and weekends.And I think she's serious too.That scares me. Because if she's serious about this, then I'm screwed. That means no you guys, and no Maeghan either.On a lsighty better note, I got 5th chair second violin. Out of 12. That's pretty good for me.But then again, he expects me to play good now...Oh well. I shall manage.I really hate my schedule, like, with friends and all. I know I really can't say much about that, as neither Eryn nor Maeghan have many classes with people. But I said it anyway.And i now have to find a way to save money. Mum even asked me too. That means it's serious. So that's not good.And this whole grounded thing is really getting to me, I would really hate it if it turns out to be true, you know, her sticking to it and all.But yeah, and my dad is doing his shit again. So yeah, you all know what that means...well, I updated, and I shall go and do my Spanish homework, and tell my mum about the orchestra, as it will give her a reason to be happy for a little while, and no yelling maybe.Bibi.

random stuff

Your Hidden Talent
You are a great communicator. You have a real way with words.You're never at a loss to explain what you mean or how you feel.People find it easy to empathize with you, no matter what your situation.When you're up, you make everyone happy. But when you're down, everyone suffers.




Your IQ Is 100
Your Logical Intelligence is AverageYour Verbal Intelligence is ExceptionalYour Mathematical Intelligence is Above AverageYour General Knowledge is Above Average


Part Shy Kisser
You *do* love to kiss, once your comfortable with itAnd that means knowing the person you're kissing pretty wellYou usually don't make the first move when it comes to making outBut you've got plenty of intensity in return
Part Expert Kisser
You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantityYou've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks offAnd you're adaptable, giving each partner what they craveWhen it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable


What You Really Think Of Your Friends
Brad is your soulmate.
You truly love Eryn.
You consider Andykins your true friend.
You know that Issy is always thinking of you.
You'll remember Maeghan for the rest of your life.
You secretly think Emmanuel is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.
You secretly think that Swinney is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.
You secretly think that Franklin is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Franklin changes lovers faster than underwear.
You secretly think Aimee is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Aimee has a hidden internet romance.

first day of school

You know what, school sucks. Yeah, it was nice to see all my friends that I haven't been able to see this summer, but other than that, it's crap. I mean, I really dislike my schedule, I have no classes with Maeghan. Like, NONE! Or any with Eryn, that really pisses me off. It really does. I don't have their lunch either, or see them in the hallways.School takes away our time to do other more useful stuff. I mean, I know that it's required, and we do need it for our future, but right now we have so many different things that we could be doing that are so much better.I dunno, but I just got into another arguement with mum, and I just hate it. We got into an arguement over school, and I just don't think that it's worth it.I mean, we always argue over stupid little things, and they all go back to school.Oh well, not much I can do about it.Just thought I'd let you know how I feel about it before you ask.

last day of summer

Tonight is a fucking SCHOOL NIGHT!!!Do you know how much that sucks?!Our SUMMER is OVER.I don't like that. As much as I had to do this summer, I still miss the free time, the unplanned time withfrends, all the things that we won't get much of during school.This sucks.I really hope that I get to see you guys during school and if not, then hopefully we'll get to hang out on the weekends.If not I'm going to kill someone. Like seriously, I have missed you guys.I really have.I really hope that I pass this year with good grades and that I have fun, because that would be bad if I didn't. There are so many memories of freshman year, I just wish taht I could go back. I mena, yeah, I was a freshman, and that kinda sucked, but there were so many new things that happened, I can hardly believe that it's over and a new year is beginning. I wonder what's going to happen this year. Tee hee, it should be interesting.Well, I finally got ot go to hot topic, and I got 2 new pairs o fpants. They are awesome. You guys shall see them when I go to school. I'm stil working on mum about the purple hair, but I shall get it eventually.Anyways...I spent the night at Eryn's house last night, as did Issy. We watched Constantine (AWESOME movie), and it was funny watching Issy jump. We finally went to bed about 4. I got to sleep about 6, and was awake again at 8.I just really wasn't tired.But yeah, today we rented 2 more movies, one was called Kinsey, Let's Talk About Sex (I'm not kidding) or something like that, and the other was the Blair Witch Project. Both were good.Then I had to go home. Yeha, that went over well. Mum decided that she would accuse me of being high and to have been drinking.that was swell, I was in such a good mood after it. So we got into an arguement, and now we;re not talking. But maybe that's a good thing. Well, I shall see you guys bright and early. Bibi.

I wonder...

I dunno, it's late, I'm bored, and I've got nothing better to do. So I am just sitting here and thinking.I wore a pair of Eryn's pants to registration, and I loved it. I actually felt good about myself.Then when we got back to her house, we went through all her stuff, and I got a couple of new things. I out on a red shirt that was kinda like a tank top I guess. It has like almost spaghetti straps and was kinda short and kinda tight. But I felt good in it. It fit me. I've lost a little wieght, and I'm actually liking my body. It felt so nice today, to just be able to wear some clothes that I don't normally wear, and actually feel good in them. Like, I loved myself for a few hours.I didn't feel like I had to compare myself to anyone. That was an amazing feeling. I really want it back.I want to wear stuff that makes me feel like that. I get really happy, and am really, just...me. No worries, no crap, nothing. It's great.That stuff just happens to be black, gothic, different, whatever. I'm not a poser,and honestly, I don't care if people think I am. they can thnk what they want, I don't give a damn. But I really want to be able to feel good about myself, to not have to think that I'm not hot enough, or anything.I don't think Eryn realized this.Lol, I don't think anyone did. But how can I explain it to my mum? I dunno what she'll think. And I don't know how to explain it to her anyway.I just wish I could. I mean, she's against me wearing the "goth" stuff and everything, I dunno why, but I wish I could make her see. I like wearing what I feel comfortable in.That's what I've always done. I have always been made fun of because I never wear girly clothes. But I've never been comfortable in them.I've always been more comfy in bigger shirts and stuff. Plus, most of the reason why I'm so shy/modest is that I'm self-conscious. I never want to show my flaws like that. There are others that people consider "hot". I've always been skipped over in that category. I mean, you'd think it wouldn't matter, but after a while, it gets to you and sinks in.So I've always been like that. Yeah, I would sometimes wear skirts, but somebody else would always look better in it than I did, so I woud go back.I hate it. I'm tired of feeling like that. Someone else is better looking, the person I like thinks so, so I just kinda sit in the background, feelingbad. I'm pretty good at hiding, but I'm still never the one to show anything.I really wish that could change, I wish, want, to feel good enough, comfortable enough, about my body where I am willing to do stuff with people. i.e. , Maeghan.Or at least not feel bad about me not looking like them.Well, this is a long enough blog, so I'm gonna go. I just had to write down what I felt like, what I want to feel like, and why. So, thanks for reading. Bibi.

Decision

Well, I'm not going to the Smokies. I know that I really would have enjoyed it, I've heard that it is absolutely gorgeous, but I just don't have the time.It would just be too stressful. I would have 3 days after I got back to get everything ready, which is not enough time because it's not just school stuff.Plus, today is Sunday, and they kinda leave Monday, too much to get done before then. I just got back from Susan's, where I have been babysitting and working, so I'm tired. I haven't had much sleep the past couple of nights, because I'm just not tired.I mean, I feel fine, so it's ok. My mum siad that I probably won't get t hang with friends much, if at all, this week because of the stuff that I have to do.Sorry, guys, I really miss you all, it's been way too long. But I'll see you during school (woop dee do), so until then, Bye.

smoky mountains

Next week is the Smoky Mountains camp and I was thinking about not doing it.My aun tjust called and gave me some reasons to go. I am 15 going on 16, and at her work you can't go on the camps when you're 16. This may be my only time to go to there. It's supposed to be really beautiful, and there is white water rafting as well.I mean, it sounds really cool, like a lot of fun, and I'd like to do it.But then there are my reasons for not going. I would get back, and there would be 4 days til school starts. That's kind of stressing. Plus, I haven't seen my friends in over 2 weeks, and I haven't hung with Maeghan for 3 weeks.I'm really missing people, and I still have a lot to do before school starts.Plus, there's sophomore orientation. I know that I don't have to go, mum could go for me, but I might really want to change my schedule, or at least see what it is.I am tired, I don't want to do anything, and today is already friday. The camp would be on monday, and I'd have to prepare and everything. That would probably mean no friends.So I'm at a sort of dilemma. i know I shoudl do what I want, but I want both. Lol, that doesn't exactly work.So now I have no idea what to do, but I do know that I need to make a decision soon. Well, I'm going to go talk to mum about it, and I'll (hopefully) see you guys later.

cross country

Well, today we did a ton of pep and then did 2 one mile repeats. We ran one lap, and each time after that we were supposed to speed it up.I did pretty good on the first mile, then we got a 10 minute break. I want to sit down (which would have been bad) but I saw Grace! Yeah, so i went up to greet her through the fence and I saw her dad. He was my hyr coach a year or 2 ago, so that was cool. We talk, I yell at Andykins, and then I turn around to go back and I look at the staris. I was so freakin confused, it was hilarious. I didn't remeber going up any steps.It's funny, but at the time, I was like wtf?Anyways, then we ran another mile. At the middle of the second lap, I have to grab the rail and puke. I had to wipe my mouth on my shirt sleeve because there was nothign else. I got back on the track and started running again. I was going a lot slower after that, but I was still going.I got about halfway through the 4th lap and I puke again. I finished the lap, and wanted to collapse. But hey, I didn't, I talked to tommy, tried to see straight and then I ran into Andykins and Lizzie. That was really cool.Yeah, so this practice was hard, but I think I did pretty good for it only being my third practice. Anways, I need to go to Issy's tomorrow to scan the team pic and get that sent off. Yeah, we got our picture taken in those uniforms, the ones with the short shorts. Luckily, I'm in the back. Issy, you got out of that one, I dunno how, but no fair. Well, tis beddy-bye time for this girl. Night night.

home again

Well, we're back, as most of you probably know by now. At the moment, I have just gotten up, am extremely bored because no one is online because they are at band camp. Yeah, I feel sorry for them, escpecially considering that I just got up. That in itself is good news, considering that I haven't had much sleep lately. I was taking naps on the vacation because I was getting about 2 hours of sleep a night there. Me no like that.Yeah, I have been having some nightmares. Eryn, you know how you have those night terrors, I have them, but in a different way.Yeah, so that sucks, but at least I got some sleep last night. I had agreat time on vacation. The beach was awesome! And the waves were pretty cool too, because I got to body surf a lot. I got pretty good.And we went about 2 or 3 times a day, so we got to go during high tide, low tide, and all the times in between. Yeah, I loved it, except the water down there was awful! It was all salty and thick and crap. Yuck. Luckily they had filtered water. I took about 2 or 3 showers a day because the beach left crap all over you, such as sand, shells and salt.So, yeah, showers are good. We got to have some champaigne and wine, and yes, my mum even said yes to it! MY mum said yes to alcohol, that surprised me.But anyways, it was good. And for the record I did NOT get drunk off the wine! So there!By the way, we got souvenirs for you all. Don't expect anything cool or anything like that, because everything was EXPENSIVE down there. I'm talking 50 bucks for a bracelet. Yeah, so, don't complain.Well, I'm gonna go and wait til mum gets up from her nap so that I can get something for my ear, because it's being a bitch right now. But yeah, I'm gonna try to go to xc practice, but I dunno. Bibi.

Vacation

Finally, all the packing is done, and we are about to leave for Issy's! We leave early tomorrow morning, and we'll return on the 2nd. I'm looking forward to this, because it should be fun. So, I shall see you guys when we get back, and I'll miss you! Lovelovelove!

Hey guys, just to let you know, I put some new poems up on Allpoetry. I think there are 4 of them, and 2 are contest poems, so you all can read them if you want. And I hope to see ya tonight...

arguements

Suddenly I'm wondering if this trip is worth it. No offense to you Issy, but all the stress is not good. We both saw what was going on with your mum, and mine just totally blew her top at me tonight. Over nothing.And now I'm not feeling so great, she's question every damn thing that I do, and I just don't want to have to deal with it. She's hitting everything that hurts right now. I'm back up in weight, and all my family members are noticing. They're all like,"she's gotten a little taller, but she's grown more around the middle".I mean, oh yeah, that feels great. I mean, first my mum said something, then my grandma, hell, even her fiance noticed.Then the maintenance man, with whom I am really good friends with noticed, but he didn't say anything. I just went on a serious binge today, and now I feel like shit. I haven't been to cross country practice since Monday, and I won't be there for about 2 weeks. Mum keeps talking to me about Maeghan, keeps asking me if our relationship is "going downhill". And she thinks I haven't noticed!!!! She found out that I haven't seen Maeghan in 3 weeks, and she was like , that's not good. No shit sherlock. And she's the one who has said no plans with friends this week. I dunno, but I can't get away. i jsut want to be left alone. She brought it up that it was my choice not to go to practice last night. I was like, oh no it wasn't, it ws you who kept calling me and threatening me that if I didn't get it done, I wasn't going on the trip.So yeah, I skipped practice and got it done, with 2 hours to spare. Anyways, I just want to be left alone, or get out, away. Anything, I don't care. But yeah, now i have to go to bed, rest up for the vacation where I'm going to be resting up some more. Anyways, I hope to see you guys tomorrow, maybe I'll be in a better mood. I hope so. Bibi.

cross country practice

Yeah, I just got back from my first cross country practice EVER!I feel really good right now.We ran a half mile warm up, 2 miles on the course, and then a half mile cool down. It was great. I ran the first mile at my own pace, which felt really good, and I was pushing myself a little.THe second mile I stayed back with Gibson because I don't want her to quit. I know from experience that being at the back of the group can be a killer. So I stayee with her, I won't have to all practices, because there is another girl who is normally there that stays with her, but it was fun, It felt so good to know that I could jog (granted, a slow jog, but a jog none-the-less) a mile and not be totally exhausted from it. Beginnign of last year I wouldn't have been able to do that.Oh my god, it felt good!I just hope that I continue to feel that way the rest of the season. Yup, I'm officially on the cross country team now.Tee hee. I'm hyper now. I really do love this feeling.And I am going to stick with this season. I will not quit. No matter what my mum says, I am doing this for no one else but me.I want to feel better about myself, and if this willl help me think that I'm getting into shape, then I'm gonna do it.If it'll make me feel better about myself, because that's what I really need, then I'm going to do it. I just hope I can. I think I can, but I need to keep thinking that. And that's what's going to be hard, The mental thing. I know my body can do it, but will my mind make it? With lots of willpower, I think I can.I really want to do this. The practices are Monday-Saturday. It's gonna kill me, and I'm gonna hate it, but I'm gonna do it. I can't let myself think of any excuse to quit, or to not try. That's what I did during track.If I quit once, it's tha much easier to do it again. And I don't want that. My goal right now is to not quit, and to not stop, to at least walk. And I think I can do it, I really do.Wow, I just feel so good right now. I know that tomorrow morning I'm gonna wake up, get out of bed, and like scream, but that's ok. I can deal with that. I just love this feeling. and I'm gonna kill myself later for joining, because I kinda decided about an hour and a half before practice started to join the team, but hey, if not then, then I wasn't going to do it. So yeah, I'm gladI did. As Elliot drove me, home, we talked. What he said meant more to me than what he thinks.I really appreciate it. Not like he will know that I said that, but I can still say it.Yay, I'm gonna go, maybe eat some food, and then go to bed.I shoudl probably finish this Powerade too. Nighty-night.

Friday Night Game Night

I don't know if you all know this, (Issy, you probably do, and you too Franklin) but my mum and Luara and a few other people have been trying to organize a game night. Well, they did it. This Friday there will be a game night at my church. It is the first one, and they want as many people as possible to come, so I am supposed to invite all my friends.I hope you all can come, because I have no choice, I must go. I am kinda co-hosting it. There will be food (provided by the people who come) and games or activities, or whatever the hell you wanna call them. Yeah, so, please be there. It's from 7-10. I really would like to see you all there, because I am leaving saturday for 10 days, and my mum has just informed that I can't make any plans to hang out with friends this week because I've got stuff to do.So basically that is the only way that I will be able to see you guys, for a while. After I get back from the vacation, I have a camp the next week, and 3 days after that, school starts. That sucks.So yeah, be there. Can't wait to see ya.

just updating

Yeah, I'm over at Issy's right now. It is about 10 am and I just got up. None of us were tired last night, so we decided to have some fun. And we did. But after all that, I still couldn't sleep. I wewnt outside to think for a while and just feel the night air and listen to the sounds of the crickets. I was out there for about 10 minutes and then Issy came out. We had a littel chat about her and some other stuff,then we had to go inside because her cat was suicidal.It kept trying to jump off the second floor balcony. Anyway, we come down here for a while, messed around, and then she went to bed. I didn't get to sleep til about 6.Yeah, I woke up and mum called and told me that she couldn't take me to church because she wan't feeling good. This was fine by me, as I didn't want to go. Right now, Eryn, is talking to Laura and her mum and trying to see wif we can go over to her house to see the birdie. It sounds so cute, I'd like to see it. Anyway, I have to be at Susan's by 12:30, so I'm gonna go and hang out with them for a while. I'm in a better mood right now, maybe that's because I"m around my friends, but whatever it is, it's nice.Ttyl.

I'm back

Well, for some reason, the fucking internet, or my fucking computer, won't let me see my blog, and it won't let me view it from my area either.That sucks.Oh well. Yeah, I'm back, and I'm really glad to be home. It was so fucking miserable there.There were hundreds of bugs, like horseflies and shit. Those things are fucking PAINFUL when they bite!Yeah, so now I officially hate those things.I got bit by them, but nothing else. Eveyone was eaten alive by mosqitos and everything else, but I wasn't. They just annoyed the crap out of you. And they were immune to bug spray. That sucked royally.All those bugs would fly around your head, into your ears, into your eyes. I laughed because allthose people who talked or yelled a lot got a mouthful of bugs. I mean, it was insane. People were running around camp, screaming, slapping themselves, and trying to outrun the bugs. Word of advice: it doesn't work.I tried.I mean, even the tough dudes were making these hig pitch screams and were running and swatting.About every 5 minutes you would see someone sprint through the campsite trying to get away. people were literally slapping themselves. I wore pants the entire time, and a raincoat,even though it was extremely hot and humid.Yeah, it was almost 90 degress most of the time, with about 90 percent humidity.That was not fun.And it didn't much at night. The tents were our only refuge from the bugs, and they would only let us in there at about midnight when it was time for bed. And they were so hot that it was hard to sleep. Of course, it was raining all week, and you know my luck, my stuff got wet. No one else's in the tent.Only mine. Yeah, one night I couldn't sleep, soI opened the window to let some air in, and it starts to rain. It's not coming in, so I finally fall alseep to the sound of the strom. I wake up when it starts to pour because it hits me in the face. that was just not cool.I closed the window, but my stuff still got wet.But yeah, a faceful of cold water at 2 am is not cool,even though it felt good, but it was a rude awakening.Anyway, we hiked in the Red River Gorge. That was an awesome sight, I mean, it was so beautiful. I got to climb rocks all over the place.And I even went on my own little hike with this girl named Sharon. Yeah she's awesome. She also happens to be a lesbian. Yeah, she slept next to me in my tent, and we had some pretty interesting conversations. Anyways, I was also stuck with 2 girls that we called the Bush Twins. Cruel, I know, but they deserved it. They tried to pick a fight with me. Like, an actual fight, but I didn't do anything.They were really fucking annoying, and this other girl hung out with them too, and she was such a bitch.Yeah, they did absolutely nothing, and when they did, they said that they were the only ones who ever worked and told us to get off our asses and do seomthing. When they were asked to do something, they refused saying that they already did their share. I'm not one to brag, but I worked my ass off there. I always do.We had to haul all our stuff, and they couldn't, correction, wouldn't, carry anything besides their stuff.We had all this stuff for the group that needed to be carried,and they wouldn't have anyt part of it. So a couple of other people and I did.Oh well, I'm gonna stop complaining now, I got to go to the Red River Gorge and see some really pretty sites.But yeah, I'm gonnago take a shower now, because I haven't had one in 7 days and I"m starting to feel kinda icky.Bibi.