Friday, July 22, 2005
arguements
Suddenly I'm wondering if this trip is worth it. No offense to you Issy, but all the stress is not good. We both saw what was going on with your mum, and mine just totally blew her top at me tonight. Over nothing.And now I'm not feeling so great, she's question every damn thing that I do, and I just don't want to have to deal with it. She's hitting everything that hurts right now. I'm back up in weight, and all my family members are noticing. They're all like,"she's gotten a little taller, but she's grown more around the middle".I mean, oh yeah, that feels great. I mean, first my mum said something, then my grandma, hell, even her fiance noticed.Then the maintenance man, with whom I am really good friends with noticed, but he didn't say anything. I just went on a serious binge today, and now I feel like shit. I haven't been to cross country practice since Monday, and I won't be there for about 2 weeks. Mum keeps talking to me about Maeghan, keeps asking me if our relationship is "going downhill". And she thinks I haven't noticed!!!! She found out that I haven't seen Maeghan in 3 weeks, and she was like , that's not good. No shit sherlock. And she's the one who has said no plans with friends this week. I dunno, but I can't get away. i jsut want to be left alone. She brought it up that it was my choice not to go to practice last night. I was like, oh no it wasn't, it ws you who kept calling me and threatening me that if I didn't get it done, I wasn't going on the trip.So yeah, I skipped practice and got it done, with 2 hours to spare. Anyways, I just want to be left alone, or get out, away. Anything, I don't care. But yeah, now i have to go to bed, rest up for the vacation where I'm going to be resting up some more. Anyways, I hope to see you guys tomorrow, maybe I'll be in a better mood. I hope so. Bibi.
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sweetie, i know how stressful it all is. I reeeaaally do. Your mom is being extremely hypocritical. And we'll run on the beach and what with my mom blowing a gasket over food costs (to herself, not dreaming of asking anyone for food money), we'll both be skinny when we get back. Plus, hell, it's the beach! how bad can it be? we'll have an amazing time. I promise.
And don't let your mom get to you, realize that everything she's saying is her trying to justify her own actions in preventing you from seeing friends (maeghan) in not letting you gom to xc and in being a mother. We'll have lots of fun at game night and then you and your mum are crashing at our house saturday, from what i hear, so we can get an early start sunday, so we'll have more fun then, and believe me, car trips can be fun when you're traveling with marvelous people who are finally letting themselves relax (as we will be). So let yourself glide through existence until then. Let your mom's statements roll off your back just as you would let a side cramp roll off you in a race. It doesn't matter, don't allow it to register. I love you.
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