Well, mum said that this is going to be a family weekend. We ended up going to grandma's for dinner, which is good because her food is actually edible and tastes pretty good. We stayed there until 9 and then we came home. Before that, mum picked me up and we went to the vet to pick up our puppy who had just been spayed. She was so pitiful, it was cute. But yeah, we have some not so good news about some of our pets. Susie, mum's dog but to whom I'm still attached, might have cancer. She has a tumor in her tail, and it's been there, but it's starting to grow, and growing means cancerous. Mum is going to take her in Thursday. And if it is cancer, there is nothing they can do because of where it's located. It's too far up on her tail to take off her tail and its to big to operate. So that's not good. And mum and I are going to have to take Sam and Sarah in to the vet to het their rabies shots. We have been holding off, because my cat Megan got cancer from the rabies shot, and so did one other cat in the family and it killed him. But the shot is mandatory, it is illegal not to get it for them. So I'm really scared about that. And Nakota is getting up there in age, and his hips are really starting to hurt him. He has hip displasia, which is common in Huskies, and so he has really bad hips. I can't stand to see him hurting, but I don't want to lose him either. But I have to do what's in his best interest. That choice will be hard. Plus 2 of our cats are getting old, about 15, so I don't know how much longer they will be either.So yeah, worried about my animals.

And mum and I got into another arguement. It was in the car while we were running around everywhere. She started talking about religion, and asking me what mine was. Yeah, I'm baptised, but that doesn't mean that I am a total Christian either. I told her that I really didn't wanna talk about it because it never leads anywhere good. And I was right, it didn't. But she insisted, and said that it was a harmless question. So I told her that I do believe in God, but that I think that the Bible is a fake, and that I believe that God is whoever or whatever you or I choose to make it. She asked if I believed in an afterlife and stuff. I said that I believe in heaven and hell and all that stuff, but that I believed that I was going to heaven because I said so, that you didn't have to do anything special. I also believe in reincarnation.Well, anyways, before I said anything she said that she wouldn't discount what I said. She did. To be honest, I don't care. She doesn't have to believe what I do. She doesn't have to like it either. But she started talking about how the Bible was true, but just not to the word, and going on this lecture about how she came to believe what she does, blah blah blah. I have told her countless times that I am uncomfortable talking about religion with her, and it annoys me that she continues to do so. It also gets on my nerves how she always starts talking about religion with someone and what happened in her life to make her feel that way and stuff. People are always so amazed. I dunno why it annoys me, it just does. It's a pet peeve of mine. And I have a right to my opinion. She always tells me that I don't have to listen, that I could leave, but whenever I do, she always yells at me later about how rude and disrespectful it was. So I prefer to just not get into it with her. Plus today, like she always does, it somehow led to our problems and how I'm always using her as the scapegoat, always hurting her feelings, making her feel bad, doing it on purpose, how I hate her and why. But it's not true. I don't hate her.There are only a few people in my life that I hate, and none of them are her. And I don't like hurting people, whether it be on accident or on purpose, no matter how I feel about them.That's just not me. I have too much of a conscience for it.So she got all pissed off, and I wasn't exactly happy, and we get to Grandma's door and we're still arguing. Grandma had been worried because mum had called her at 3 to say that we were on her way. Well, we got there at 5:45. Mum didn't call her to tell her that we had a few errands to run before we came over. She goes and tells Grandma that I chose not to call. Sure, I was at Susan's house which has a phone, but I hadn't known that she had talked to Grandma, and we never called. She could have just as easily picked up the phone. She chose not to.So Grandma was freaking out, thinking we had crashed or something, and mum blames that on me, like everything else, and what a horrible person I am. So yeah, neither one of us were happy, and it was pretty tense. But anyways, that's over, nothing I can do about it now. I put a new poem up at Allpoetry, and I feel bad about what made me write it, but it's over and done with, and I can't undo it now.

And I feel really bad about mum. I hate the fact that I'm constantly talking bad about her. This weekend is the anniversary of the death of my brother. I know that's hard for her. And I feel bad about not being compassionate and understanding about that. I mean, she lost a child. That would feel awful. I couldn't imagine it. Mum has been through a lot in her life, she had a pretty shitty childhood. I can't blame her for that. If anything, it makes me feel bad about disliking her, and talking about her. I don't have it that bad.I can deal. And I keep thinking about how I would feel if she died. I know that no matter how much I dislike her at times, I would still feel bad, and probably worse if we hadn't reconciled and I had been talking about her behind her back.So I dunno what to do. I just needed to get this out. I guess I'd better go to bed, but not like I'm gonna get any sleep with this much on my mind.













Yes, I do realize that I just wrote about mum and I argueing and how I don't like her and then turned around and wrote about how I felt bad about talking about her. But I'm just really confused right now.