things that go 'round in my head

Well, a lot of things have happened since I last wrote. I have had a lot to think about, and as most of you know, that's not always good. I'm not really sure where to start. There are some things that have happened that I can't write about in here, but that's another story. In fact, I think things in my head are to messed up to even write it down. Now THAT'S saying something. Wow. Well, I guess I have a lot to try and work out, so I'm gonna go. Grrrr, so confused, too many thoughts. Way too many thoughts and feelings. I hate being a teenager. Too many damn hormaones and emotions that can get so mixed up. And it's hell trying to sort it out. But I guess I've gotta start somewhere. Not here.

mum

Grrrr. I can't stand her. She tries to control my life. I was planning to go to Tyler park with Maeghan and we were going to finger paint and hang out and talk. I asked my mum if I could go because I knew that she was hesitant. At first she didn't answer, so I figured she was thinking.I asked her again and she said yes, that it was alright. So I called Maeghan and told her. At that moment she was actually buying the finger paint. We made plans and I told her that I'd call her tomorrow. When we got home, mum got on the phone to Susan, my aunt. They went outside on the back porch and started to talk. She didn't know that the window was open and that I could hear everything she was saying. I hear her talk to my aunt about Maeghan and I. She was talking about how she felt uncomfortable because she had not met her or her parents. I figured, well, yeah, that's a valid thing, but that she could met them tomorrow and talk to them and stuff. But then she went on to talk about our relationship. This is none of her business. None. She started talking about how she thought that I was going out with Maeghan to prove that I was bi, to prove that I still didn't like Brad, to get back at her for saying that I would never go out with a girl, and just to have someone. Then she said that I still liked Brad. Her reasoning for this was that today I called him and wished him happy birthday. He is still my friend, of course I'm gonna wish him happy birthday, I mean, just because he's my ex doesn't mean that I can't talk to him anymore. She then started talking about how she didn't think our relationship could work because I could never see Maeghan outside of school unless she meets her parents and her parents know. I don't wanna screw up her life. I know what it's like to have a parent not accept you for it and I don't want that to happen to her.I have explained this to them and they don't seem to get it. She then goes on to say to my aunt that she is going to try and end this relationship because we can't be a couple. I'm going out with Maeghan because I like her, not because I have to or to prove something. It pisses me off that she thinks she can control me. I cannot stand this house anymore. She doesn't know me, she doesn't know Maeghan, she doesn't know how I think and she never will. Not when she thinks the way she does. I can't stand her. I've had enough with parents. I'm sick of it. I don't know what I'm gonna do, but something's gotta be done. I can't go to any of my friend's houses because my parents know them. I don't care what anyone says. I can't run away, but I need some time away. I don't have enough cash to make it on my own, but I'm not staying in this house. Even if I go over to Susan's, it'll be better than here.

KMEA

Well, we got a distinguished. We all played pretty good, except for one thing. THE VIOLA'S!!!There are no words to describe the pain that they caused by their sound. *Twitch twitch*. I had a pretty good time, but I think that eating was still the best part. Oh, and missing classes, that was awesome too. But I ran out of paper in my notebook. I was mad. I'm gonna try and get another one today. Well, that's about all I'm gonna write about right now. P.S.-Issy. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!! :D I love you!

Thinking

Sorry I haven't posted anything for a while. I have been grounded, and whenever I did manage to geton, I never had anything evetnful to write about. OK, on to the subject. Thinking. Wow, this is one of those things that if you do, gets you into trouble, and if you don't, you still get into trouble. I've got a lot of things happening right now, way too much to write down here with the amount of time that I have. But I do have a poem that I'd like to post. Lemme know what you think, I might read it at Collaboratory. Here goes:
Regrets
My regrets are of not doing,
Of not thinking,
Of not praying.
My regrets are of not taking that chance,
Of not walking out on that limb,
To do what is right,
For fear that that limb might break,
That I might fall
And never get up again
My regrets are of not knowing
Knowing that I can do it
And yet being afraid
My regrets
My regrets are of not taking advantage
Of not trying something new
Of waiting until it's too late
These are my Regrets