smoky mountains

Next week is the Smoky Mountains camp and I was thinking about not doing it.My aun tjust called and gave me some reasons to go. I am 15 going on 16, and at her work you can't go on the camps when you're 16. This may be my only time to go to there. It's supposed to be really beautiful, and there is white water rafting as well.I mean, it sounds really cool, like a lot of fun, and I'd like to do it.But then there are my reasons for not going. I would get back, and there would be 4 days til school starts. That's kind of stressing. Plus, I haven't seen my friends in over 2 weeks, and I haven't hung with Maeghan for 3 weeks.I'm really missing people, and I still have a lot to do before school starts.Plus, there's sophomore orientation. I know that I don't have to go, mum could go for me, but I might really want to change my schedule, or at least see what it is.I am tired, I don't want to do anything, and today is already friday. The camp would be on monday, and I'd have to prepare and everything. That would probably mean no friends.So I'm at a sort of dilemma. i know I shoudl do what I want, but I want both. Lol, that doesn't exactly work.So now I have no idea what to do, but I do know that I need to make a decision soon. Well, I'm going to go talk to mum about it, and I'll (hopefully) see you guys later.

cross country

Well, today we did a ton of pep and then did 2 one mile repeats. We ran one lap, and each time after that we were supposed to speed it up.I did pretty good on the first mile, then we got a 10 minute break. I want to sit down (which would have been bad) but I saw Grace! Yeah, so i went up to greet her through the fence and I saw her dad. He was my hyr coach a year or 2 ago, so that was cool. We talk, I yell at Andykins, and then I turn around to go back and I look at the staris. I was so freakin confused, it was hilarious. I didn't remeber going up any steps.It's funny, but at the time, I was like wtf?Anyways, then we ran another mile. At the middle of the second lap, I have to grab the rail and puke. I had to wipe my mouth on my shirt sleeve because there was nothign else. I got back on the track and started running again. I was going a lot slower after that, but I was still going.I got about halfway through the 4th lap and I puke again. I finished the lap, and wanted to collapse. But hey, I didn't, I talked to tommy, tried to see straight and then I ran into Andykins and Lizzie. That was really cool.Yeah, so this practice was hard, but I think I did pretty good for it only being my third practice. Anways, I need to go to Issy's tomorrow to scan the team pic and get that sent off. Yeah, we got our picture taken in those uniforms, the ones with the short shorts. Luckily, I'm in the back. Issy, you got out of that one, I dunno how, but no fair. Well, tis beddy-bye time for this girl. Night night.

home again

Well, we're back, as most of you probably know by now. At the moment, I have just gotten up, am extremely bored because no one is online because they are at band camp. Yeah, I feel sorry for them, escpecially considering that I just got up. That in itself is good news, considering that I haven't had much sleep lately. I was taking naps on the vacation because I was getting about 2 hours of sleep a night there. Me no like that.Yeah, I have been having some nightmares. Eryn, you know how you have those night terrors, I have them, but in a different way.Yeah, so that sucks, but at least I got some sleep last night. I had agreat time on vacation. The beach was awesome! And the waves were pretty cool too, because I got to body surf a lot. I got pretty good.And we went about 2 or 3 times a day, so we got to go during high tide, low tide, and all the times in between. Yeah, I loved it, except the water down there was awful! It was all salty and thick and crap. Yuck. Luckily they had filtered water. I took about 2 or 3 showers a day because the beach left crap all over you, such as sand, shells and salt.So, yeah, showers are good. We got to have some champaigne and wine, and yes, my mum even said yes to it! MY mum said yes to alcohol, that surprised me.But anyways, it was good. And for the record I did NOT get drunk off the wine! So there!By the way, we got souvenirs for you all. Don't expect anything cool or anything like that, because everything was EXPENSIVE down there. I'm talking 50 bucks for a bracelet. Yeah, so, don't complain.Well, I'm gonna go and wait til mum gets up from her nap so that I can get something for my ear, because it's being a bitch right now. But yeah, I'm gonna try to go to xc practice, but I dunno. Bibi.

Vacation

Finally, all the packing is done, and we are about to leave for Issy's! We leave early tomorrow morning, and we'll return on the 2nd. I'm looking forward to this, because it should be fun. So, I shall see you guys when we get back, and I'll miss you! Lovelovelove!

Hey guys, just to let you know, I put some new poems up on Allpoetry. I think there are 4 of them, and 2 are contest poems, so you all can read them if you want. And I hope to see ya tonight...

arguements

Suddenly I'm wondering if this trip is worth it. No offense to you Issy, but all the stress is not good. We both saw what was going on with your mum, and mine just totally blew her top at me tonight. Over nothing.And now I'm not feeling so great, she's question every damn thing that I do, and I just don't want to have to deal with it. She's hitting everything that hurts right now. I'm back up in weight, and all my family members are noticing. They're all like,"she's gotten a little taller, but she's grown more around the middle".I mean, oh yeah, that feels great. I mean, first my mum said something, then my grandma, hell, even her fiance noticed.Then the maintenance man, with whom I am really good friends with noticed, but he didn't say anything. I just went on a serious binge today, and now I feel like shit. I haven't been to cross country practice since Monday, and I won't be there for about 2 weeks. Mum keeps talking to me about Maeghan, keeps asking me if our relationship is "going downhill". And she thinks I haven't noticed!!!! She found out that I haven't seen Maeghan in 3 weeks, and she was like , that's not good. No shit sherlock. And she's the one who has said no plans with friends this week. I dunno, but I can't get away. i jsut want to be left alone. She brought it up that it was my choice not to go to practice last night. I was like, oh no it wasn't, it ws you who kept calling me and threatening me that if I didn't get it done, I wasn't going on the trip.So yeah, I skipped practice and got it done, with 2 hours to spare. Anyways, I just want to be left alone, or get out, away. Anything, I don't care. But yeah, now i have to go to bed, rest up for the vacation where I'm going to be resting up some more. Anyways, I hope to see you guys tomorrow, maybe I'll be in a better mood. I hope so. Bibi.

cross country practice

Yeah, I just got back from my first cross country practice EVER!I feel really good right now.We ran a half mile warm up, 2 miles on the course, and then a half mile cool down. It was great. I ran the first mile at my own pace, which felt really good, and I was pushing myself a little.THe second mile I stayed back with Gibson because I don't want her to quit. I know from experience that being at the back of the group can be a killer. So I stayee with her, I won't have to all practices, because there is another girl who is normally there that stays with her, but it was fun, It felt so good to know that I could jog (granted, a slow jog, but a jog none-the-less) a mile and not be totally exhausted from it. Beginnign of last year I wouldn't have been able to do that.Oh my god, it felt good!I just hope that I continue to feel that way the rest of the season. Yup, I'm officially on the cross country team now.Tee hee. I'm hyper now. I really do love this feeling.And I am going to stick with this season. I will not quit. No matter what my mum says, I am doing this for no one else but me.I want to feel better about myself, and if this willl help me think that I'm getting into shape, then I'm gonna do it.If it'll make me feel better about myself, because that's what I really need, then I'm going to do it. I just hope I can. I think I can, but I need to keep thinking that. And that's what's going to be hard, The mental thing. I know my body can do it, but will my mind make it? With lots of willpower, I think I can.I really want to do this. The practices are Monday-Saturday. It's gonna kill me, and I'm gonna hate it, but I'm gonna do it. I can't let myself think of any excuse to quit, or to not try. That's what I did during track.If I quit once, it's tha much easier to do it again. And I don't want that. My goal right now is to not quit, and to not stop, to at least walk. And I think I can do it, I really do.Wow, I just feel so good right now. I know that tomorrow morning I'm gonna wake up, get out of bed, and like scream, but that's ok. I can deal with that. I just love this feeling. and I'm gonna kill myself later for joining, because I kinda decided about an hour and a half before practice started to join the team, but hey, if not then, then I wasn't going to do it. So yeah, I'm gladI did. As Elliot drove me, home, we talked. What he said meant more to me than what he thinks.I really appreciate it. Not like he will know that I said that, but I can still say it.Yay, I'm gonna go, maybe eat some food, and then go to bed.I shoudl probably finish this Powerade too. Nighty-night.

Friday Night Game Night

I don't know if you all know this, (Issy, you probably do, and you too Franklin) but my mum and Luara and a few other people have been trying to organize a game night. Well, they did it. This Friday there will be a game night at my church. It is the first one, and they want as many people as possible to come, so I am supposed to invite all my friends.I hope you all can come, because I have no choice, I must go. I am kinda co-hosting it. There will be food (provided by the people who come) and games or activities, or whatever the hell you wanna call them. Yeah, so, please be there. It's from 7-10. I really would like to see you all there, because I am leaving saturday for 10 days, and my mum has just informed that I can't make any plans to hang out with friends this week because I've got stuff to do.So basically that is the only way that I will be able to see you guys, for a while. After I get back from the vacation, I have a camp the next week, and 3 days after that, school starts. That sucks.So yeah, be there. Can't wait to see ya.

just updating

Yeah, I'm over at Issy's right now. It is about 10 am and I just got up. None of us were tired last night, so we decided to have some fun. And we did. But after all that, I still couldn't sleep. I wewnt outside to think for a while and just feel the night air and listen to the sounds of the crickets. I was out there for about 10 minutes and then Issy came out. We had a littel chat about her and some other stuff,then we had to go inside because her cat was suicidal.It kept trying to jump off the second floor balcony. Anyway, we come down here for a while, messed around, and then she went to bed. I didn't get to sleep til about 6.Yeah, I woke up and mum called and told me that she couldn't take me to church because she wan't feeling good. This was fine by me, as I didn't want to go. Right now, Eryn, is talking to Laura and her mum and trying to see wif we can go over to her house to see the birdie. It sounds so cute, I'd like to see it. Anyway, I have to be at Susan's by 12:30, so I'm gonna go and hang out with them for a while. I'm in a better mood right now, maybe that's because I"m around my friends, but whatever it is, it's nice.Ttyl.

I'm back

Well, for some reason, the fucking internet, or my fucking computer, won't let me see my blog, and it won't let me view it from my area either.That sucks.Oh well. Yeah, I'm back, and I'm really glad to be home. It was so fucking miserable there.There were hundreds of bugs, like horseflies and shit. Those things are fucking PAINFUL when they bite!Yeah, so now I officially hate those things.I got bit by them, but nothing else. Eveyone was eaten alive by mosqitos and everything else, but I wasn't. They just annoyed the crap out of you. And they were immune to bug spray. That sucked royally.All those bugs would fly around your head, into your ears, into your eyes. I laughed because allthose people who talked or yelled a lot got a mouthful of bugs. I mean, it was insane. People were running around camp, screaming, slapping themselves, and trying to outrun the bugs. Word of advice: it doesn't work.I tried.I mean, even the tough dudes were making these hig pitch screams and were running and swatting.About every 5 minutes you would see someone sprint through the campsite trying to get away. people were literally slapping themselves. I wore pants the entire time, and a raincoat,even though it was extremely hot and humid.Yeah, it was almost 90 degress most of the time, with about 90 percent humidity.That was not fun.And it didn't much at night. The tents were our only refuge from the bugs, and they would only let us in there at about midnight when it was time for bed. And they were so hot that it was hard to sleep. Of course, it was raining all week, and you know my luck, my stuff got wet. No one else's in the tent.Only mine. Yeah, one night I couldn't sleep, soI opened the window to let some air in, and it starts to rain. It's not coming in, so I finally fall alseep to the sound of the strom. I wake up when it starts to pour because it hits me in the face. that was just not cool.I closed the window, but my stuff still got wet.But yeah, a faceful of cold water at 2 am is not cool,even though it felt good, but it was a rude awakening.Anyway, we hiked in the Red River Gorge. That was an awesome sight, I mean, it was so beautiful. I got to climb rocks all over the place.And I even went on my own little hike with this girl named Sharon. Yeah she's awesome. She also happens to be a lesbian. Yeah, she slept next to me in my tent, and we had some pretty interesting conversations. Anyways, I was also stuck with 2 girls that we called the Bush Twins. Cruel, I know, but they deserved it. They tried to pick a fight with me. Like, an actual fight, but I didn't do anything.They were really fucking annoying, and this other girl hung out with them too, and she was such a bitch.Yeah, they did absolutely nothing, and when they did, they said that they were the only ones who ever worked and told us to get off our asses and do seomthing. When they were asked to do something, they refused saying that they already did their share. I'm not one to brag, but I worked my ass off there. I always do.We had to haul all our stuff, and they couldn't, correction, wouldn't, carry anything besides their stuff.We had all this stuff for the group that needed to be carried,and they wouldn't have anyt part of it. So a couple of other people and I did.Oh well, I'm gonna stop complaining now, I got to go to the Red River Gorge and see some really pretty sites.But yeah, I'm gonnago take a shower now, because I haven't had one in 7 days and I"m starting to feel kinda icky.Bibi.